Girls Aloud -The Curse: Part 1

DangerousWitchcraft.com have been watching girlband Girls Aloud closely from the beginning. We always had suspicions that they posses dark powers, so we sent in Moggy the Cat to go undercover and watch their every move. Now, five years on, we can finally reveal the truth and the secret of their success in part one of Girls Aloud - The Curse.


The Beginning
Girls Aloud obtained the curse very early on. It is not known where exactly it came from, nor what it's full capabilities really are. What we do know is that Girls Aloud now own it, have it under control, and use it to their own advantage. But that was not always the case.

Way back in 2002 when the girls all shared a house with the other female Popstars: The Rivals hopefuls, Kimberley Walsh surprised the other nine girls when she turned up at the front door to replace Hazel. The girls were delighted but they had no idea what she had lurking in her suitcase.



Week after week the housemates dropped like flies - giving their all on live TV, only to be struck down by the devastating curse, which would ruin their careers forever.



Only the strong survived. And those survivors turned out to be Cheryl Tweedy, Nicola Roberts, Nadine Coyle, Kimberley Walsh, and Sarah Harding. The final result surprised everyone - No-one expected Sarah to beat the mighty Javine. And Sarah herself was more distraught than anyone at the prospect of joining a band struck down by such an evil curse.



The Curse reaches Girls Aloud
Nicola is thought to be the first to have caught the mystery affliction. Nicola knows her stuff when it comes to fashion, and used to spend every penny she had on new clothes and shoes. But after she failed to make the final 10 on Popstars, she treated herself to endless MacDonald's and packets of French Fries in an attempt to mask the devastation. So when the judges gave her a second chance and moved her in with the other girls, she was all out of pocket money. The desperation for new threads and seeing her fellow competitors dolled up in the latest fashions was too much for Nicola. She was jealous.

One girl in particular caught Nicola's eye when she arrived - Kimberley. But a whole night of "Kimba, your clothes are boss!" and "You're so the bezzy dresser 'ere" led to nothing. Kim just wasn't taking the hint. Nicola was left with no option but to sneak into Kim's suitcase. But she came back with more than just a snazzy pink top, she had released the curse!



But Nicola was lucky. All it did was make her a little green around the gills. Other members would be struck much harder.

In early 2003 Nicola joined Cheryl for a night out at The Drink nightclub in Guildford. After a few drinks, Cheryl fancied a lollipop, but the toilet attendant was being tight. Sitting at the bar, Nicola offered her one of hers. But Cheryl replied "Nooo, yoo've 'ad ya gob round it". "It's okay" Nicola said, "I 'aven't got no geeerms". Cheryl reluctantly took the sweet from her and started sucking. Out of nowhere, Cheryl went psycho, begging Nicola for more lollipops before storming to the toilets. "Give me lollies!" she shouted at the toilet attendant. Rather worried, the attendant hid them away. Cheryl growled. And we all know what happened next. Here's another, rather ridiculous version of the same event:


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Kimberley had so far avoided the curse, but would finally succumb on the morning of the video shoot for their second single, No Good Advice. With the curse still lingering inside Cheryl, a Girls Aloud dressing room was a dangerous place to be. While their (anonymous) hair stylist was applying the final layer of hairspray to Cheryl's bob, Cheryl let out an almighty cough, quickly followed by a strange black mist from her mouth. "am sorry" Cheryl laughed as the hair stylist wiped her face. "Oh my god, what was that?!" gasped Kimberley, sitting in the neighbouring chair. "Oh nothing" replied Cheryl, "av just been ea'in Black Jacks". The hairdresser, not too pleased started acting very strangely, shaking uncontrollably as Cheryl was called away to film her solo shots for the video. "See ya's late'a" grinned Cheryl as she closed the door behind her.

"Y'alright?" a concerned Kimberley asked the trembling hairdresser. "Yeah fine" she replied before picking up a lare pair of scissors. "What are they for?" asked Kimberley, "I think you want the straighteners". "I'm sorry to do this" the hairdresser mumbled, leaning forward, "Your hair is just too nice". "What the f***?!" screamed Kimberley, pushing her away. But it was too late. Kimberley had caught the curse in the form of rubbish hair. And she was stuck with it for several weeks. Oh how she suffered:



While other members of Girls Aloud had secretly got a grip of the curse and had even started using it with great effect, Nadine had managed to dodge it for nearly two years. That was until the night of Simon Webbe's party in 2004.

Disguising as Nadine's best buddy, Kimberley had now realised that it was her duty to pass on the affliction, and Nadine's initiation would take place tonight. Kim was spotted handing over money to a group of youths dressed in basketball kits, in the car park of Attica Nightclub, and was heard whispering the words "throw", "ball", "Nadine" and "head". Later that evening, outside the club, this shocking incident took place:


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Nadine had a raw deal, and Kimberley has since admitted that she felt guilty for the harsh treatment Nadine received. But there was pressure on the group to get another #1 single. "She had to put her career first" said a source close to Kimberley, "Nadine had been a great friend to Kim, but unless (Nadine) had the curse too, another number one was out of the question". It worked, I'll Stand By You reached the top spot a couple of months later.

The curse is said to be quite easily averted by unusually large amounts of alcohol and peroxide. Which might explain why it bypassed Sarah for so long. Nadine was stumped. No matter how hard she tried, Sarah seemed impenetrable. She even tried locking Sarah in her own flat for a weekend, having emptied her drinks cabinet. The plan was to curse Sarah's briefly un-intoxicated body in her sleep. This didn't go too well - Nadine's boyfriend, Jesse found said alcohol under Nadine's bed and ended up in rehab. Sarah escaped out of the window.

Then recently, Cheryl and Kimberley were round at Nadine's for a bottle of Lambrini and a DVD when they were telling her the story of Kimberley's haircut in the dressing room. Nadine was suddenly inspired. The very next day she offered to pay for Sarah to get her hair done. They arrived at the salon, and Nadine, unbeknownst to Sarah, handed over a picture of Pauline Fowler, gave the hairdresser a hug, and left.



So, mission accomplished for Girls Aloud. All five girls now have The Curse, and while Sarah is still working out how to use it, they are now untouchable.

But where did the curse come from? What have Girls Aloud used their curse for? And why did it come from Kimberley's suitcase? Find out in Girls Aloud - The Curse: Part 2, coming soon.


written by Grotbags